


loving and living

by orphan_account



Category: Bleach
Genre: Childhood, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-21
Updated: 2012-02-21
Packaged: 2017-10-31 12:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Renji reflects on a moment when he thought he might have had her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	loving and living

Rukongi was a hard place to live, but it was a harder place to love.

That was the mantra that Renji had repeated, over and over in his head. As friends died, as people left, as the hardships got to people, as everyone got torn apart. That's what happened when you lived out in the seventy-eighth, after all. It was punishment.

But there were sometimes beautiful things too. Things like sunsets and the occasional properly filling meal. Things like girls in trees, and friends hard won and then harder lost. In some ways it was easier to remember those good moments than the bad ones, even if the bad ones often stayed closer to his heart.

Maybe that was all in an effort to stop those bad things from mattering as much. And there was just one instance, that Renji could remember, the most beautiful thing. That one moment, that so long after the fact, could just be a dream.

* * *

"Rukia! Rukia!" Renji was almost out of breath. He stopped running for a moment, so that he could catch himself again. He hated losing to her, even though he did just that all the time. She was just as strong as he was, and sometimes that pissed him off.

No, if he was being honest, that always pissed him off. He was Renji Abarai, after all. The leader of their group, one of the few who possessed spiritual power, way out here. It had made him special, it had given him a place, it had made him feel good.

All until that girl had tumbled into their lives and changed all of that. She had as much power as he did, maybe even more. And the guys in their group, well. A girl with power was a lot more interesting to them. Attach a cute face to something, and everyone will pay attention.

If he was being honest with himself, he was the same way.

He looked up for a second, and a bit of white cloth fluttered out of eyesight at the top of the hill.

" _Rukia_! Just wait up!"

He practically flew up the hill, looking for her. But he was so intent on looking ahead that he didn't realize that Rukia was just beside him.

That is, he didn't notice until she grabbed him.

"You need to pay better attention, Renji." She scowled at him a little. It was enough to make Renji feel sheepish, and a bit silly. After all, she had been the one to tell him that he had to keep up, or suffer the consequences.

He looked down at the grass to hide the blush creeping onto his face. "Sorry, Rukia. I'm gonna."

Rukia jabbed him in the side. Renji started a bit, and gave her a glare. She just returned it.

"What're you glaring at me for, stupid! You're the one who won't even look at me properly!"

"I- I'm trying, Rukia, I'm trying!" He tried to look right at her as he said it, but he still felt kind of strange doing it. Like he was looking at something that he wasn't allowed to look at. That Rukia was so out of reach that he couldn't dare to.

"Why'd you want me to come up here anyways?" He looked around. It was a fairly lonely hillside, by all accounts. A pretty place, sure. He hesitated to call anything in the seventy-eighth beautiful, since there shouldn't be anything here that made you want to stay.

Rukia smiled a little. "Just look toward the sun."

"Huh?" He shifted around, until he saw the sun, hanging low in the sky. "The sunset? Rukia, you've gotta be --"

There was a loud noise, and it took far too long for Renji to realize that it was Rukia's hand hitting his face. When his eyes cleared a little, Rukia looked _furious_.

"I know exactly, what you're going to say! 'Oh, Rukia, I see sunsets all the time, so why drag me all the way up here to see it? It's just gonna be annoying to get back into the seventy-eighth proper once the sun sets and I'm gonna have to deal with _protecting_ you and all that!'" Her voice had gone low, in a mocking imitation of Renji's tone. She looked more hurt than really in the mood to mock him, however. That much he could tell.

"Hey ... Rukia, come on!" He tried his best to look sorry. "I mean, yeah, getting back home once the sun sets is gonna be annoying, but I know I don't have to protect you." He pauses. "I'm pretty sure you could kick my butt if you really wanted to."

Rukia snorted. "Idiot ..."

He sighed a little. "Yeah, I guess I am a bit of an idiot. But you still asked me to come up here for a reason, right? It probably has something to do with the great full view of the surrounding area you can get up here." He trailed off, looking around him.

It really was beautiful. It was amazing how much lovelier the soul society looked when you were just a little bit removed from daily life.

Rukia somehow looked more beautiful up here, too.

"Hey, Rukia. Turn around." She had had her back turned to him, staring straight ahead, toward the sunset.

"I can't, I'm watching the sun--"

"You can watch the sun anywhere, I don't care." He put a hand on her shoulder just as gently as he could. "Just turn around."

He could hear her sigh. " _Fine_ , fine, I'll turn around."

He grinned a little, really trying, this time, to look her straight in the eye. He had to stoop a little. "This is really beautiful, you know."

"Well, yeah, it is--"

"I'm not just talking about the sunset." The distance closed between them, and Renji put both his hands on her shoulders.

"I'm talking about you."

* * *

He had to laugh at his younger self, a little. That kiss had ended messily. They had bumped heads, there had been a lot of awkward laughter. Rukia didn't seem to quite get it. A bit of distance had formed between them. Nothing quite like that had happened since.

But it was still a lovely moment. And it was a reminder of why it was worth it, both to love and to live in Rukongi.


End file.
